Friday, May 11, 2012

That word dissapointed

To my disappointment my hoh left too early yesterday morning to follow through with my punishment and I felt a little neglected.  As soon as he left I texted him that I was tired of him putting off the "dd" stuff and I just want to get it over with so I don't feel guilty for my actions. I just want a clean slate.  
Because he was driving he didn't respond right away. I texted him a bit later to see how his trip was going and a few seconds later he called me.  We chatted about just random things and finally I asked him if he had received my text early about dd.

The words that came out of his mouth next were more painful than the guilt I was already feeling. He said ...... he was dissapointed in me. He was dissapointed in my behaviour and the way I had been acting the last day or two. He was dissapointed that we had been doing the best we ever had and I had to start being bratty.

He was dissapointed.... that just keeps ringing in my ears. The tone in his voice was nothing I had ever heard before.  I never knew that dd would cause me to think this much about my actions and I have yet to be actually spanked (the first one doesn't count I don't think). I guess I have read in others blogs that the lecture is almost worse then the spanking and I believe it.

My worst fear in life is failure. Having the man I put all my trust in and love with all my heart be dissapointed in me is gut wrenching. That feeling alone makes me want to do better.

1 comment:

  1. Oh, disappointment is a killer for me. And that sad tone twists through my heart. I'd rather be spanked 10 times over than hear that.

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