Wednesday, June 13, 2012

the dog brought it out in him

So I have been grounded for the last few days.... Well it all started at 3am when our dog woke us up by puking under our bed... he woke up and told me that I should probably clean it up before morning... That is when I started to get upset...

I thought to myself .... Why should I have to clean it up it is OUR dog. Who is he to tell me what to do?.... But I did it anyways I got up and went to get the cleaning stuff to clean up the puke... I came back into the room and was a bit huffy puffy about it. I look under the bed and he had puked all the way under the bed in the farthest corner so i was going to have to crawl all the way over to it... Then my "lovely" boyfriend thought of the great idea that it would be smart to just move the mattress and reach it that way.... "light bulb"....

Then i wasnt so mad because I thought that he was going to help me but instead he wrapped up in a blanket and went to the living room and layed down on the couch... This is when I started in "oh WOW thanks for the help hun" "Man I sure and thankful no one else woke up to the dog puking" "It isnt like im tired or anything" "why dont you just sleep on the couch"...

Once I was done I just didnt talk to him I walked in the living room threw away the puke then walked back into the room slammed the door and started to lay down in bed... during this whole time he was asking me if I was done or not... I didnt respond, not even a peep.... As I was headed towards the bed I hear him coming and the door flys open and let me tell ya, he was far from happy... all he said was go stand in the corner right now... I just looked at him like a deer in headlights... "NOW"... I stomped out of the room to the corner... I didnt think it was fair at all I was so mad at him for making me stand there... So instead of standing I decided I was going to sit down ... I sat there the entire time...

For about the first 15 minutes I was just mad at him... that stupid jerk this isnt fair... I cant believe him... Im not talking to him... I should just get up right now and go lay on the couch and say screw him... WHO does HE think HE is???.... then at about 15 minutes my thinking started to change and I felt bad ... I felt worse than bad I felt HORRIBLE... How could I talk to him the way I did? I had been unemployed for about 2 weeks prior to this incident so all I had been doing was job searching and then going to work with him to keep him company... that day I had just hung out with a friend of mine ... He had worked all day long that day and it was his day off then he came home to friends over and they didnt leave until almost 8 pm.... So it was understandable that he wanted me to clean up the puke, he was tired.

This is when I started to get a bit emotional... then I started to get cold lol... I was in a tank top and pj bottoms but our house is freezing at night

I asked him "can i come out yet"


"I want a sweater"

"be quiet"

"but im cold"

"you had better stop talking"

this is when I realized he wasn't going to give in. I had really upset him. I sat there for about another 10 minutes or so for a total of about 30-45 minutes. When he finally allowed me to come back into the room I apologized and he just said we would be talking in the morning because I was still in trouble... Long story short I was grounded for about 2 days from doing anything on my computer or outside the house with out asking first.

Sounds like DD is growing on him ... I love that it is growing on him but I hate being in trouble lol

Thursday, June 7, 2012

he doesnt seem to want this...

It has come to my attention that my bf doesnt really want this type of lifestyle... whether he realizes it or not... I am angry, upset, sad, and let down by this....

He was all for it but now that it is time to take "action", so to speak, he sort of clams up... I think he likes the part of it where he is "in charge" but he doesn't want to really step up into that position fully... he will tell me I "cant or can" do things but then if I do or do not do them he doesnt really care... It is very confusing...

He will give me the look or the "you better watch it" but in my head I think "watch what??!?!?!" I mean seriously.... the last time I was punished was almost 20 days ago and that isnt because I have been a perfect angel... I have been far from it if you ask me...

 It is really odd stuff that sets him into the DD mode as well.. Like if I am rude or something that will get him straight to the hoh tone but I could not do the laundry for a month and leave dishes all over the place and he could care less.. I could break 5 offenses and he will say so you didnt do blah blah blah blah blah today.... and thats it... that is as far as it goes.. there isnt any "you have to finish your chores that you have been slacking on before you go anywhere or do anything fun"....

I just dont get it where in our relationship does DD exist and where is it just out the window???? I dont even know if I want to continue this up and down thing it is annoying... I am trying to be a great GF but sometimes it is just hard and I want to test him... He can feel me pushing but he does nothing about it... WHY??????

Why cant he just step up into the position in this relationship I want him to be in and the one we talked about for a month prior to even really using DD? Why cant he just follow through with the arrangement we agreed upon? It makes me so mad inside I can feel the pressure building just thinking about it... I feel like I have been lied to or betrayed.... I feel like something I have been wanting for so long that I finally got is being taken away from me...

I dont want to go back to the way we were before DD but I dont want to stay where we are now either... I want to know he is in charge of us and he will take care of us and that I will know my place in this relationship of ours.

I mean I guess DD has sparked some new things in our relationship. He is much more loving and sweet and he has started listening to things I ask of him. For example in the past he never really told me I was beautiful or anything like that. He always told me that I should just know that and it was a very unattractive quality that I wanted him to tell me I was pretty when I specially dressed up for him. I used to get so mad about this... what was the point in even dressing up if he wasnt even going to take the time to notice? I tell him he is handsome all the time... why couldnt he do the same for me??? well the other day I brought that up to him again and the next day he told me how pretty I looked. It was really a great feeling.. it isnt like I need him to make me feel better about myself it is just that I want to know he notices me I guess. Before DD I didnt even really think he was attracted to me... But he has been trying he even bought me flowers on our anniversary and that was the first thing he had ever bought me in the three years we had been together.... His reasoning was sort of crap though... He said the only reason he bought them was because he knew I was looking forward to something and would be mad if he didnt follow through... Is that how all guys are?

Anyways enough rambling for one day... back to my chores that dont really matter if they get done or not... maybe he might notice i even did them... fat chance...

Sunday, June 3, 2012

very very busy

I haven't blogged in awhile... trust me there are good reasons... I have been dealing with issues at work, and my best friend just moved away booooo.... oh yeah and I quit my job... So needless to say I have been very busy looking for work and trying to find out where I want to go in my life.

 So anyways about the job thing we have new management and they have basically ran away everyone. 4 people inculuding myself that had been there a year plus all quit with in 3 weeks... Let me put this in perspective we only had 8 employees and the place I work at was a 24hr around the clock so until new employees are trained and certified they are sort of screwed...

On the other note.... what my blog is actually about D.D... We havnt been really using it my bf says he is to busy and I have been trying not to push it... I know there have been plenty of rules I have been breaking and it is really hard to keep doing 120% when if I do 80% nothing happens... Does that make sense?.. I mean I try to do 100% but the motivation factor isnt there?.. I dont really know how to explain it.

well i have some reading to do I will try to start posting more often..

Monday, May 21, 2012

i read this blog the other day chat!

So while the bf and I were making dinner tonight I brought up a topic to him and this is how it went...

"Sooooo I was reading this blog the other day"

"oh yeah? This is how ALL the good conversations start"

"Welllll I was reading that some people use a 48 hr rule"

"oh? well what happens then?"

"well I dunno that's up to you! I just don't want stuff to go for a week before being dealt with..."

"Well the problem is I am so tired after work and my arms are so exhausted that I don't really want to be spanking you and not know how hard I am hitting you......"

"oh well there is always the morning time before you go to work..."

"that really isn't something I want to start my day out doing... I mean its not like I enjoy spanking you..."

"ha ha ha well I don't really think you are supposed to. That would just be weird."

SOOOOOO anyways my question is what do other couples do in situations like this?


I dont like to be frustrated... especially at my bf... and even more so when it comes to dd ... but I am and I can't help it... I try not to be because I realize dd is still so new to our relationship... but I just want the new part to get over and the consistency to begin ... I realize he is tired after work and what not but that doesnt mean the dd side to our relationship can be ignored ... dd is not the third wheel... dd is not just hit or miss... not for me Anyways ... it has become a part of me ... I just need to feel it is important to him as well not just some game... this is a lifestyle we chose to try that doesn't have an on off switch ... the times he has followed through with dd he has done amazing and i love him so much for doing  so... anyhow im getting sleepy ... night all

Saturday, May 19, 2012

$9, popcorn, slurpee and a pizza...

Soooo a girlfriend and I went out to the Saturday market in our town today which was completely alright but what i said I was going to buy and actually bought is where the problem comes in... I told the bf that I was going to the Saturday market to get some vegetables but while I was there I didn't see any veggies that I really wanted so I ended up not getting any. Instead by friend and I shared a bag of popcorn $3.00... well not the whole bag maybe a cup or so of it I would say...

After that we were very thirsty so we went to the 7-11 and got some slurpees, mine was $1.39.

Then we headed over to the goodwill outlet store to JUST LOOK AROUND. I was just wanting to show it to my friend but while we were there she ended up finding some really good deals on some amazing clothes, abocrombie, hollister, and american eagle... My looking around ended up getting me 3 nice sweaters,  a pea coat looking thing, and 2 long sleeve shirts for only $9.32!!!!! WHAT A DEAL right?

Then on the way home we stopped and picked up a little ceasers pizza and split the cost so $2.50 each.

So all in all I spent $3.00+$1.39+$9.32+2.50=$16.21... but he had given me $14 to go to the market so I just used that money in other places... and all of those clothes bought new would have cost me about $200!

I called him when I got home after my friend left and asked him if I could buy some stuff at goodwill but he couldn't really talk much because he was working and the dog was running into the road. I didn't really get an answer out of him other than him asking me to come pick up our dog.

When I got to where he was working I asked him "what if I already bought the stuff at goodwill."

He said "You would be in trouble for wasting money and not asking...."

 Now after writing all of this I am starting to feel a bit guilty...  I can see his point now.. he gave me money for veggies and I spent it on clothes.. I should have just asked... He would have probably said ok... but now instead I am just in trouble...

"you're full of crap"

TRUST ME dont ever say that to your HOH!!!! lol... I was talking to my friend Kay from and she told me one way to get your HOH attention in the way you dont want to is to tell him he is full of crap... Let me tell you it works lol...

I was sitting at my computer and he was sitting next to me at his and I looked over at him to give it a whirl...I was only joking mind you... and as soon as it came out of my mouth he didnt even look at me and just said "go stand in the corner" 

"what!?!?! I was just joking"

"Dont care you have been pretty mouthy lately and I am tired of it. GO stand in the corner"

"Hun really?"

"You better go stand in the corner right now OR ELSE..."

So off I went... I was so embarrassed I went into the other room and stood out there... (that way I could huf and puff in secrecy)... I didn't want him to be able to see me standing there either, that would have made it 10x more embarrassing... I stood there with my arms folded for awhile just glaring out of the corner of my eye towards the doorway to the bedroom where our computers are... Then after awhile I started thinking to myself... well maybe I have been a bit mouthy... Finally by the time he told me I was done and could come back into the room I could feel myself being huffy puffy still and had to give myself a moment before he saw me... I had to put on my non frown face and my non bratty attitude... After about 2 or so minutes I was ready to face him. I went back in the room and went back to what I was doing on my computer before I was so rudely interrupted with this corner time nonsense (just kidding hoh <3 ya..... he reads all of my blogs so I figured I would throw that in there). and that was it, corner time over... not so bad I guess.