It has come to my attention that my bf doesnt really want this type of lifestyle... whether he realizes it or not... I am angry, upset, sad, and let down by this....
He was all for it but now that it is time to take "action", so to speak, he sort of clams up... I think he likes the part of it where he is "in charge" but he doesn't want to really step up into that position fully... he will tell me I "cant or can" do things but then if I do or do not do them he doesnt really care... It is very confusing...
He will give me the look or the "you better watch it" but in my head I think "watch what??!?!?!" I mean seriously.... the last time I was punished was almost 20 days ago and that isnt because I have been a perfect angel... I have been far from it if you ask me...
It is really odd stuff that sets him into the DD mode as well.. Like if I am rude or something that will get him straight to the hoh tone but I could not do the laundry for a month and leave dishes all over the place and he could care less.. I could break 5 offenses and he will say so you didnt do blah blah blah blah blah today.... and thats it... that is as far as it goes.. there isnt any "you have to finish your chores that you have been slacking on before you go anywhere or do anything fun"....
I just dont get it where in our relationship does DD exist and where is it just out the window???? I dont even know if I want to continue this up and down thing it is annoying... I am trying to be a great GF but sometimes it is just hard and I want to test him... He can feel me pushing but he does nothing about it... WHY??????
Why cant he just step up into the position in this relationship I want him to be in and the one we talked about for a month prior to even really using DD? Why cant he just follow through with the arrangement we agreed upon? It makes me so mad inside I can feel the pressure building just thinking about it... I feel like I have been lied to or betrayed.... I feel like something I have been wanting for so long that I finally got is being taken away from me...
I dont want to go back to the way we were before DD but I dont want to stay where we are now either... I want to know he is in charge of us and he will take care of us and that I will know my place in this relationship of ours.
I mean I guess DD has sparked some new things in our relationship. He is much more loving and sweet and he has started listening to things I ask of him. For example in the past he never really told me I was beautiful or anything like that. He always told me that I should just know that and it was a very unattractive quality that I wanted him to tell me I was pretty when I specially dressed up for him. I used to get so mad about this... what was the point in even dressing up if he wasnt even going to take the time to notice? I tell him he is handsome all the time... why couldnt he do the same for me??? well the other day I brought that up to him again and the next day he told me how pretty I looked. It was really a great feeling.. it isnt like I need him to make me feel better about myself it is just that I want to know he notices me I guess. Before DD I didnt even really think he was attracted to me... But he has been trying he even bought me flowers on our anniversary and that was the first thing he had ever bought me in the three years we had been together.... His reasoning was sort of crap though... He said the only reason he bought them was because he knew I was looking forward to something and would be mad if he didnt follow through... Is that how all guys are?
Anyways enough rambling for one day... back to my chores that dont really matter if they get done or not... maybe he might notice i even did them... fat chance...
Ugh. I hate feeling like that. The ups are great, the downs are tougher than most people admit.
ReplyDeleteI hope things get better soon.
I'm trying to word this in such a way that I don't come across as 'know it all' kinda thing, because I most certainly don't. But sometimes it's easier to see things from a clearer perspective when you're on the outside looking in, as opposed to being the one in the middle of the situation. I'm just going on what you've written here although I understand there is a bigger, wider picture.
ReplyDeleteThis is all still relatively new to you both. This lifestyle has not long been introduced. I think most couples go through this phase around the start especially. It can be hard to kick it all off at first. The only thing I can suggest is to talk to him, and keep talking. I finally learned that it's the best and most effective tool within the whole ttwd thing. It takes time for things to sink in, for them to be understood. In my experience with Mitch, unless I told him, he didn't quite understand properly what I wanted from him. And hard though it was, communicating what I needed/wanted/expected...... was the only thing that moved it all up and along. Up until the point that I was actually able to voice things, he got emails lol! Rather a lot of them. I found I could express myself more effectively this way at first.
Talk to him, tell him how you feel. It may be that he doesn't want this lifestyle, or it may be that he needs a little guidance from you to help him get going again. I don't see this as topping from the bottom, I see this as communication your needs and expectations with each other. AND, you have already noticed little differences that he's doing.
Sorry for the story, I just wanted to let you know that probably a lot of us have felt disheartened at some stage, and that it can get better.
Dee x