i read this blog the other day chat!

So while the bf and I were making dinner tonight I brought up a topic to him and this is how it went...

"Sooooo I was reading this blog the other day"

"oh yeah? This is how ALL the good conversations start"

"Welllll I was reading that some people use a 48 hr rule"

"oh? well what happens then?"

"well I dunno that's up to you! I just don't want stuff to go for a week before being dealt with..."

"Well the problem is I am so tired after work and my arms are so exhausted that I don't really want to be spanking you and not know how hard I am hitting you......"

"oh well there is always the morning time before you go to work..."

"that really isn't something I want to start my day out doing... I mean its not like I enjoy spanking you..."

"ha ha ha well I don't really think you are supposed to. That would just be weird."

SOOOOOO anyways my question is what do other couples do in situations like this?

frustrated

I dont like to be frustrated... especially at my bf... and even more so when it comes to dd ... but I am and I can't help it... I try not to be because I realize dd is still so new to our relationship... but I just want the new part to get over and the consistency to begin ... I realize he is tired after work and what not but that doesnt mean the dd side to our relationship can be ignored ... dd is not the third wheel... dd is not just hit or miss... not for me Anyways ... it has become a part of me ... I just need to feel it is important to him as well not just some game... this is a lifestyle we chose to try that doesn't have an on off switch ... the times he has followed through with dd he has done amazing and i love him so much for doing  so... anyhow im getting sleepy ... night all

$9, popcorn, slurpee and a pizza...

Soooo a girlfriend and I went out to the Saturday market in our town today which was completely alright but what i said I was going to buy and actually bought is where the problem comes in... I told the bf that I was going to the Saturday market to get some vegetables but while I was there I didn't see any veggies that I really wanted so I ended up not getting any. Instead by friend and I shared a bag of popcorn $3.00... well not the whole bag maybe a cup or so of it I would say...

After that we were very thirsty so we went to the 7-11 and got some slurpees, mine was $1.39.

Then we headed over to the goodwill outlet store to JUST LOOK AROUND. I was just wanting to show it to my friend but while we were there she ended up finding some really good deals on some amazing clothes, abocrombie, hollister, and american eagle... My looking around ended up getting me 3 nice sweaters,  a pea coat looking thing, and 2 long sleeve shirts for only $9.32!!!!! WHAT A DEAL right?

Then on the way home we stopped and picked up a little ceasers pizza and split the cost so $2.50 each.

So all in all I spent $3.00+$1.39+$9.32+2.50=$16.21... but he had given me $14 to go to the market so I just used that money in other places... and all of those clothes bought new would have cost me about $200!

I called him when I got home after my friend left and asked him if I could buy some stuff at goodwill but he couldn't really talk much because he was working and the dog was running into the road. I didn't really get an answer out of him other than him asking me to come pick up our dog.

When I got to where he was working I asked him "what if I already bought the stuff at goodwill."

He said "You would be in trouble for wasting money and not asking...."

 Now after writing all of this I am starting to feel a bit guilty...  I can see his point now.. he gave me money for veggies and I spent it on clothes.. I should have just asked... He would have probably said ok... but now instead I am just in trouble...

"you're full of crap"

TRUST ME dont ever say that to your HOH!!!! lol... I was talking to my friend Kay from http://tryingtolearnlearningtotry.blogspot.com/ and she told me one way to get your HOH attention in the way you dont want to is to tell him he is full of crap... Let me tell you it works lol...

I was sitting at my computer and he was sitting next to me at his and I looked over at him to give it a whirl...I was only joking mind you... and as soon as it came out of my mouth he didnt even look at me and just said "go stand in the corner" 

"what!?!?! I was just joking"

"Dont care you have been pretty mouthy lately and I am tired of it. GO stand in the corner"

"Hun really?"

"You better go stand in the corner right now OR ELSE..."

So off I went... I was so embarrassed I went into the other room and stood out there... (that way I could huf and puff in secrecy)... I didn't want him to be able to see me standing there either, that would have made it 10x more embarrassing... I stood there with my arms folded for awhile just glaring out of the corner of my eye towards the doorway to the bedroom where our computers are... Then after awhile I started thinking to myself... well maybe I have been a bit mouthy... Finally by the time he told me I was done and could come back into the room I could feel myself being huffy puffy still and had to give myself a moment before he saw me... I had to put on my non frown face and my non bratty attitude... After about 2 or so minutes I was ready to face him. I went back in the room and went back to what I was doing on my computer before I was so rudely interrupted with this corner time nonsense (just kidding hoh <3 ya..... he reads all of my blogs so I figured I would throw that in there). and that was it, corner time over... not so bad I guess.

Lets hope I never get a 10

So I have realized that my hoh is very mathematical with how he keeps track of what I need disciplined for. I.e. spanked for... like today for example I was chating with him and he informed me that he hadn't forgotten my offenses that I still needed punished for and that I wouldn't be getting out of it.... he also let me know that I was at about a level 7 punishment ... level 7 wtf?!?!....level 7???? I then found out he rates the sevarity of the offense on a scale from 1-10,10 being the worst... small things can add up to big things... so I forget to push my chair in twice, I am extremely rude on the phone, and I leave my computer on once gets me to a level 7....

this isn't rating how hot someone is... this is rating how hot my bottom is gonna be....gulp.... I asked him what would happen if I got to a level 10 and he just said you dont want to know... eeks... so I guess lets hope until my discipline takes place I dont up that level 7 any higher....

Dear my oh so beloved hoh!

Hello there my love,

I know you read my blog seeing as I got in trouble for something I posted earlier. So I figure this will be a good way for me to tell you something I have been thinking about but haven't gotten a chance to talk to you about.

I wish you were more strict with me. If I leave my chair out after you have told me not to I want there to be a consequince. Wether you take away my chair for a day, or give me corner time, or ground me from my computer the next day or even a spanking, I just wish there was something.  It doesnt even have to be anything big just a little hey I saw what you did wrong so here is your punishment.

This is the only way I am going to remember and learn from my mistakes.  When things pile up and I am being spanked for 5 different things it is hard for me to relate that spanking to the offense.

I dont mind if you are creative with my punishment either, I have already  agreed to take any punishment you feel I have coming and if after your lecture and discipline I still disagree I will let you know.

Oh and dont feel bad if I got spanked the night prior. If I need another spanking then I need it... It is my fault for earning myself one,  not yours. Even if I need one later the same day then you have my permission to do so. If you are so dissapointed in my behavior that you feel I "deserve" multiple spankings in a row then I probably do!

Don't feel bad if you leave marks either because we are still learning and those will heal over and be fine. I bruise easy and you know that and my bruises take awhile to go away. Dont let that detour you from giving me a sound spanking when I need one. (On a side note I read if you did a light short spanking to warm up and then used a belt rather than the hairbrush it wont bruise? Read the Learningdd blog on beginner spankings and down in the comments someone had the same issue we did)

I also wanted to tell you how amazing you are to take on such a huge task. You have been so open to everything I have brought up to you and a part of my heart has grown a bit more closer to you. Ever since we decided to go down the path to DD I look at you so differently.  In my eyes you are this strong, loving, caring, amazing and considerate man that wants the best for us and our future.  I look up to you and want to do everything in my power to please you and make you happy because you being happy makes me happy!

Anyways I need to get some sleep

<3 u

Oh and ps you can respond here if you want you dont have to have an account you can just use the anonymous option or you could just wait til we get a chance to talk

answering my own questions

what will it feel like? well it hurt like heck lol... the sting was the worst

will I be able to stay in position? I was mostly able to until towards the end then it started getting really hard

will he be able to actually spank me hard enough or will i feel like i was let down in the end and still in need of more punishment? I didnt feel let down one bit with the spanking I recieved... I do feel the lecture prior to could use some work and having a timeout/corner time inbetween the lecture and the spanking would help me

how many swats will i receive? well it was supposed to be 20 on each cheek but I lost count after about 5
 
will he use just his hand or the spoon or brush as well? Or even a belt? it was all the brush this time, he started over my pants then went bare

will i be told to stand in the corner and if so for how long? no corner time this time but next time?

what is going to happen after the spanking is over? Will he hold me and remind me how much he loves me? Will we have amazing sex? after the spanking was over I layed on his lap for awhile  not wanting to move until finally he lifted me up to sit next to him but instead i burried my face in the blankets because I didnt want to let him see me cry from the pain my hiney was in... but he didnt allow that he made me sit up and look at him and we talked about what happened... I was in no mood for sex so none of that happened lol

how will i feel the next day? well today as I am writing this I feel fine my bottom is still red/bruised but I dont really feel it

will this first spanking be a constant reminder to follow our rules so I am not spanked again anytime soon? well I really hope this is a great reminder because it hurt like the devil...

Will I cry? Will I beg him to stop? I cried but only about 10 tears or so, I do sort of wish I had more of a release than that but I didnt. I did towards the end start telling him "ok, ok, ok, im sorry" he did a handful of swats after that and stopped. I did cry after it was all over though but not a whole bunch

After it is all done and over with will i feel i have still made the correct decision to begin this type of lifestyle? well immediately afterwards when my bottom was still in pain no I didnt feel like I made the right decision but about 10 minutes afterwards when I looked at him and realized what an amazing man he was for helping me fix my not so great behaviors I love him so much more and wouldn't go back

Will his spanking be much harder than I expected? Will he know when enough is enough? OMG it hurt like hell.... He did know when enough was enough I thought it was enough about 8 swats in lol but he knew better and I am glad he did. My bottom started to bruise so he had to sort of move around on my bottom but even then it still bruised and he said that was why he stopped.

What will the lecture before hand be like? the lecture wasnt great but at least there was one. there were so many things he was spanking for that we couldn't even remember them all like I said in a previous post I almost feel I was acting out a bit which is why there were so many offenses against me.. I will not be doing that any time soon...

Will I be able to submit to him like I desperately want and need to? I think I did a fairly well job with it.

I take it back...

Well tonight was the night... I was spanked and it was not "easy" as I stated the last one being... My HOH informed me that he had been reading my blog. I didn't even know he knew what it was called but he pulled it up on his computer and it is one of his saved bookmarks... I guess he has been reading it daily to see what I post and he didn't much care for my comment about his last discipline being easy on me... and trust me he let me know... I was also being punished for a few other offenses and today was the first day we got the chance to take care of everything. I lost count of how many swats I received after about number 5 all I could think about was the pain... As hard as I tried I did end up putting my hand back, I guess I put it back 3 times but I only really remember putting it back once. I also moved out of position a couple times but moved right back (according to the hoh I didnt move right back). I didn't realize it would be so hard to stay in perfect position.

My HOH also has a new bff... Mr. hairbrush. He states I cant spank you with my hand because I work with my hands... So I guess for me it is the hairbrush or worse... hmmmm....

We talked a little bit about the discipline afterwards and I told him that I think it would help me if there was a break in between the lecture and the discipline such as a corner time or a timeout. 

I do have a few questions though on the learningdd blog page it says that for a beginners spanking you should use a hairbrush or your hand with about 20 swats with out bruising but my bottom is very bruised... I do bruise easily... Anyone have any advice?

the unicycle

So against my boyfriends better judgement I decided I wanted to learn how to ride a unicycle.... in the dark, on concrete, near a fence, on a work night.... Everything was going great until I fell down backwards and tried to grab the fence to save myself... The fence isn't much of a hero that is for sure... I fell straight down on my bottom and really hurt my tailbone... so now every time I stand up, sit down, or bend over I am reminded of the bad decision I made... And all he told me was "I told you not to do that maybe next time you will listen to me" erg lol...

I have decided that I am still going to learn how to ride the unicycle but this time I am going to take baby steps rather than just going all out for it on my first try... Any how ta ta for now and happy mothers day everyone!

That word dissapointed

To my disappointment my hoh left too early yesterday morning to follow through with my punishment and I felt a little neglected.  As soon as he left I texted him that I was tired of him putting off the "dd" stuff and I just want to get it over with so I don't feel guilty for my actions. I just want a clean slate.  
Because he was driving he didn't respond right away. I texted him a bit later to see how his trip was going and a few seconds later he called me.  We chatted about just random things and finally I asked him if he had received my text early about dd.

The words that came out of his mouth next were more painful than the guilt I was already feeling. He said ...... he was dissapointed in me. He was dissapointed in my behaviour and the way I had been acting the last day or two. He was dissapointed that we had been doing the best we ever had and I had to start being bratty.

He was dissapointed.... that just keeps ringing in my ears. The tone in his voice was nothing I had ever heard before.  I never knew that dd would cause me to think this much about my actions and I have yet to be actually spanked (the first one doesn't count I don't think). I guess I have read in others blogs that the lecture is almost worse then the spanking and I believe it.

My worst fear in life is failure. Having the man I put all my trust in and love with all my heart be dissapointed in me is gut wrenching. That feeling alone makes me want to do better.

Watch my sass

Erg... well I made a couple mistakes the last two days :(... first off I didnt tell my hoh my previous discipline wasnt enough to teach me a lesson. Second off I didnt complete 3 tasks I was asked/ I said I was going to do. Third I was very mouthy / bratty/ sassy towards my hoh about the same issue numerous times... he just got home a few days ago and now he is leaving again for 2 days on business again... I was mad at him about leaving because he just got home and on top of that i felt he could really go next week and get the same stuff done. See I am working 8 days straight so we could go on this trip together and we would have a few days off and spend some quality time together traveling and seeing family... the plan was to go on a 5 day trip see family hang out at the beach and do some business on the way but instead im being left at home for 2-3 days and he is just going to do business and come home .... and rather than going next week he is going today so I cant go with .... Long story short when I found out I was sad then angry then ferious then I felt guilty for all those emotions. I sent him some very long angry texts yesterday while he was at work and that was where I messed up... because in the middle of me sending about the third angry text I get a call... it was him... I contemplated not answering but then I would be in more trouble but I knew if I answered I would get an ear full... I waited until the last ring and quickly answered "What!" Him " im sorry Hun but it has to be this way I am looking out for us and am trying to get this business going so we can have a better life together and rather than going to the beach next week we could go to Hawaii later this year or something." Me I felt so bad that I was so mean to him. Rather Tyne gin getting upset and angry at me he calmly explained to me what was going on. This is something that before dd would never happen. I had knots in my stomach because I am supposed to be putting my trust in him and know he will do things that are the best for us rather than doubt him... at this point I was crying because I was upset about the situation and also that I had gone against everything we are trying to create. A very loving and tight relationship. After a few minutes more of conversation I apologized and told him to have a good day. Later in the day I texted him telling him I felt guilty for my behaviour and I felt as if I had got away Scott free with our last discipline. All he said back was "oh I know....." when he got home after working a nine hour day I again apologized to him at the most perfect time I felt, we were cuddling and having a good time. To my surprise he said " I understand you are sorry but don't think that will get you out of the severe spanking you have coming" " ummm. Oh..... Welllll...." " the only reason you arnt bent over right now is because I am to exhausted " We agreed that tomorrow morning I will be spanked for my offenses before he leaves on his trip. I also have a feeling this one will be much more intense than the last one because I sort of picked fun at my last spanking ... we shall see. I have a feeling if it isn't enough I will let him know because I think part of my attitude has been from "getting" away with a light previous discipline. I am sure I will let you all know how it goes.

my very first spanking

Well I actually received it yesterday I just haven't had a chance to blog since then : / . My first spanking wasn't as bad as I thought it could have been and to be honest I was a bit disappointed afterwards but not really during I guess. My hoh walked in and tapped me on the arm with the wooden spoon and just said "come on". me: "what" him: I am going to spank you for this this and this. me: that's not fair him: well sorry but you need to get over here I get up and go over to him and stand in front of him a little embarrassed and nervous at the same time. But for some reason it was all I could do to keep a smile off my face (weird right?). He explains to me the reason I was getting spanked and made sure I understood and told me I would only be getting 1 swat... yes you heard right 1?!?!?! swat?!?!?!? Heck I felt like i was getting off Scott free... The process of bending over his knee was probably the hardest part out of everything the embarrassment was killing me, and then he bared my bottom. Down came the 1 swat with the spoon and I sat up and he immediately realized it want enough because i had some sassy remark about it so I received 4 more swats and then the spoon broke... darn cheap spoons...By the forth swat I was thinking oh yikes this actually hurts and then he was done only 4 swats later. I was relieved to be done but dissapointed becasue I knew it wasn't enough but I was too embarrassed to ask for more.

the warning

So, as my previous post stated I have yet to receive a spanking yet but.... I have been warned once that I will be sent to the corner if my attitude didnt change and it was interesting how quickly I went from being snobby to being nice again! Can anyone else relate to this?

He is home at last

He has finally returned home! I have been anticipating his return for so long I was so happy. It reminded me of the same feeling a child feels when Christmas day is coming up, and yesterday was my Christmas. He will only be home for about a month though and then he is gone again :( bit next time will be easier. I have yet to recieve my first spanking and i have also not brought it up to him. Well i sort of did but not verbally, i was reading online about dd and he looked over at my computer and saw what i was reading. Now that he is hone i am wondering how this will all be initiated? Any help anyone? Do you remember your first spanking? How did it begin? Was it awkward? Well thanks in advanced!

Insanity workout

So I have started working out... again... first time it was p90x and now it is insanity... I only did about 2 weeks of p90x and then I got sick and never started back up again. Now I am on day 2 of insanity and OMG... SOOOOO SORE lol....

I can tell you one thing though I will be following through with this workout this time because now that we are practicing DD I have asked my HOH to "ensure" I do my excising and dont give up on it again. We used to have a rule that I couldnt go over 135 this was my way of encouraging myself to be healthy. Now rather than a weight I just have to stick to my workout!

Anyways has anyone else tried INSANITY? or P90X? Did you succeed?

thats all for now

thanks for reading