the unicycle

So against my boyfriends better judgement I decided I wanted to learn how to ride a unicycle.... in the dark, on concrete, near a fence, on a work night.... Everything was going great until I fell down backwards and tried to grab the fence to save myself... The fence isn't much of a hero that is for sure... I fell straight down on my bottom and really hurt my tailbone... so now every time I stand up, sit down, or bend over I am reminded of the bad decision I made... And all he told me was "I told you not to do that maybe next time you will listen to me" erg lol...

I have decided that I am still going to learn how to ride the unicycle but this time I am going to take baby steps rather than just going all out for it on my first try... Any how ta ta for now and happy mothers day everyone!

That word dissapointed

To my disappointment my hoh left too early yesterday morning to follow through with my punishment and I felt a little neglected.  As soon as he left I texted him that I was tired of him putting off the "dd" stuff and I just want to get it over with so I don't feel guilty for my actions. I just want a clean slate.  
Because he was driving he didn't respond right away. I texted him a bit later to see how his trip was going and a few seconds later he called me.  We chatted about just random things and finally I asked him if he had received my text early about dd.

The words that came out of his mouth next were more painful than the guilt I was already feeling. He said ...... he was dissapointed in me. He was dissapointed in my behaviour and the way I had been acting the last day or two. He was dissapointed that we had been doing the best we ever had and I had to start being bratty.

He was dissapointed.... that just keeps ringing in my ears. The tone in his voice was nothing I had ever heard before.  I never knew that dd would cause me to think this much about my actions and I have yet to be actually spanked (the first one doesn't count I don't think). I guess I have read in others blogs that the lecture is almost worse then the spanking and I believe it.

My worst fear in life is failure. Having the man I put all my trust in and love with all my heart be dissapointed in me is gut wrenching. That feeling alone makes me want to do better.

Watch my sass

Erg... well I made a couple mistakes the last two days :(... first off I didnt tell my hoh my previous discipline wasnt enough to teach me a lesson. Second off I didnt complete 3 tasks I was asked/ I said I was going to do. Third I was very mouthy / bratty/ sassy towards my hoh about the same issue numerous times... he just got home a few days ago and now he is leaving again for 2 days on business again... I was mad at him about leaving because he just got home and on top of that i felt he could really go next week and get the same stuff done. See I am working 8 days straight so we could go on this trip together and we would have a few days off and spend some quality time together traveling and seeing family... the plan was to go on a 5 day trip see family hang out at the beach and do some business on the way but instead im being left at home for 2-3 days and he is just going to do business and come home .... and rather than going next week he is going today so I cant go with .... Long story short when I found out I was sad then angry then ferious then I felt guilty for all those emotions. I sent him some very long angry texts yesterday while he was at work and that was where I messed up... because in the middle of me sending about the third angry text I get a call... it was him... I contemplated not answering but then I would be in more trouble but I knew if I answered I would get an ear full... I waited until the last ring and quickly answered "What!" Him " im sorry Hun but it has to be this way I am looking out for us and am trying to get this business going so we can have a better life together and rather than going to the beach next week we could go to Hawaii later this year or something." Me I felt so bad that I was so mean to him. Rather Tyne gin getting upset and angry at me he calmly explained to me what was going on. This is something that before dd would never happen. I had knots in my stomach because I am supposed to be putting my trust in him and know he will do things that are the best for us rather than doubt him... at this point I was crying because I was upset about the situation and also that I had gone against everything we are trying to create. A very loving and tight relationship. After a few minutes more of conversation I apologized and told him to have a good day. Later in the day I texted him telling him I felt guilty for my behaviour and I felt as if I had got away Scott free with our last discipline. All he said back was "oh I know....." when he got home after working a nine hour day I again apologized to him at the most perfect time I felt, we were cuddling and having a good time. To my surprise he said " I understand you are sorry but don't think that will get you out of the severe spanking you have coming" " ummm. Oh..... Welllll...." " the only reason you arnt bent over right now is because I am to exhausted " We agreed that tomorrow morning I will be spanked for my offenses before he leaves on his trip. I also have a feeling this one will be much more intense than the last one because I sort of picked fun at my last spanking ... we shall see. I have a feeling if it isn't enough I will let him know because I think part of my attitude has been from "getting" away with a light previous discipline. I am sure I will let you all know how it goes.

my very first spanking

Well I actually received it yesterday I just haven't had a chance to blog since then : / . My first spanking wasn't as bad as I thought it could have been and to be honest I was a bit disappointed afterwards but not really during I guess. My hoh walked in and tapped me on the arm with the wooden spoon and just said "come on". me: "what" him: I am going to spank you for this this and this. me: that's not fair him: well sorry but you need to get over here I get up and go over to him and stand in front of him a little embarrassed and nervous at the same time. But for some reason it was all I could do to keep a smile off my face (weird right?). He explains to me the reason I was getting spanked and made sure I understood and told me I would only be getting 1 swat... yes you heard right 1?!?!?! swat?!?!?!? Heck I felt like i was getting off Scott free... The process of bending over his knee was probably the hardest part out of everything the embarrassment was killing me, and then he bared my bottom. Down came the 1 swat with the spoon and I sat up and he immediately realized it want enough because i had some sassy remark about it so I received 4 more swats and then the spoon broke... darn cheap spoons...By the forth swat I was thinking oh yikes this actually hurts and then he was done only 4 swats later. I was relieved to be done but dissapointed becasue I knew it wasn't enough but I was too embarrassed to ask for more.

the warning

So, as my previous post stated I have yet to receive a spanking yet but.... I have been warned once that I will be sent to the corner if my attitude didnt change and it was interesting how quickly I went from being snobby to being nice again! Can anyone else relate to this?

He is home at last

He has finally returned home! I have been anticipating his return for so long I was so happy. It reminded me of the same feeling a child feels when Christmas day is coming up, and yesterday was my Christmas. He will only be home for about a month though and then he is gone again :( bit next time will be easier. I have yet to recieve my first spanking and i have also not brought it up to him. Well i sort of did but not verbally, i was reading online about dd and he looked over at my computer and saw what i was reading. Now that he is hone i am wondering how this will all be initiated? Any help anyone? Do you remember your first spanking? How did it begin? Was it awkward? Well thanks in advanced!

Insanity workout

So I have started working out... again... first time it was p90x and now it is insanity... I only did about 2 weeks of p90x and then I got sick and never started back up again. Now I am on day 2 of insanity and OMG... SOOOOO SORE lol....

I can tell you one thing though I will be following through with this workout this time because now that we are practicing DD I have asked my HOH to "ensure" I do my excising and dont give up on it again. We used to have a rule that I couldnt go over 135 this was my way of encouraging myself to be healthy. Now rather than a weight I just have to stick to my workout!

Anyways has anyone else tried INSANITY? or P90X? Did you succeed?

thats all for now

thanks for reading